Bali Yoga Training: Day 16: perfect

This has been day 2 of sitting out of asana practice. ☹ My arms have been tingly and somewhat numb for a little over a week, progressively getting more so as the days have gone by. I mentioned in an earlier post that I had an acupuncture treatment because my wrists hurt and that it relieved some of that pain, but it has slowly crept back on.

It’s an interesting place to be: at a yoga teacher training where we are doing yoga daily, sometimes twice a day, and not able to participate physically. I was pretty upset about it yesterday, but it was a powerful moment. One of the many things Awakened Life School of Yoga is good at is cultivating a space to let one sit with and work through stuff. Chris, one of the co-founders, let me cry, laugh, cry, and process these feelings of disappointment, frustration, awareness, pity, realization, and then enlightenment. He did such an incredible job of lovingly sitting beside me, but not stopping the process. “Getting a tissue” as we have jokingly yet realistically called it. I saw, yesterday, that it’s not a big deal if I don’t complete every single yoga asana class! I realized that it’s not normal for people to have tingling and numb arms. I realized that I had been pushing through this just for the falsity that I “needed to keep up and be like or be more advanced” than the other students in the class. When I realized that, I laughed and laughed, and then cried some more. I told Christ though, that I wanted to create a new normal. His response: “You will.”

Today I had a 1.5 hour “healing massage.” I’m giving myself some more time to determine how much help this has been, but there has definitely been some shifting. He did some good work with pressure points, muscle, myofacial tissue, tendons; it was intense, yet relaxing! My body is settling into this new alignment. We will see how things are in the morning. I’m hoping, and expectant, for a miracle. One of the yoga instructors told me yesterday that I need to take a break from yoga asana practice until I don’t feel pain, then slowly ease back into it, determining which poses are bothersome. I think it all stemmed from shoulders stands, which I am pretty sure I was actually doing as neck stands; however, as I was sharing with both Chris and the yoga instructor yesterday, I have been through a LOT of trauma, surgeries, near death experiences, chemotherapy, organs removed, chemo, broken bones, falls, etc. And as the yoga instructor so eloquently stated, things are all interconnected. With my abdomen having a lot of scar tissue, it can create a pulling forward of my spine and tension on my neck.

In tonight’s Restorative Yoga class, we ended the class with some chanting and contemplative silence. As I was sitting there, I began asking myself the question “when will I be fixed? When will I be healthy?” What immediately came to me, almost audibly, was: “you are perfect just as you are.” It rocked me. It was so freeing! I am absolutely perfect, right now, right here! There is no “fixing” that needs to happen! I am free to be me.

Enjoy this video. I hope it’s not too shaky. I obviously took it while walking.

Thanks for reading. I hope you are inspired to keep on moving forward, regardless of your past traumas, pains, hurts, and to stop, be vulnerable, be real, honest, and open, and realize that you are perfect: right now, without changing a single thing. You are loved.

Namaste!

Bali Yoga Video: Day 8

I’m sitting pool side right now. I know. It’s pretty nice. ☺ We had a shorter day today so that we could have some rest. We still had our morning meditation, 2.5 hours of Vinyasa Flow asana practice, breakfast, and then we had group presentations! Wow. They were so fun! Each group had 3 or 4 people and a different yama or niyama. My group had saucha: a niyama. If you are curious as to what saucha means, watch this video! Hopefully you can hear. We ended our skit with a catchy fun song about the 8 limbs of yoga, another aspect we had to incorporate into our project. I love theater and this was a really special treat to get to watch all 30 of my classmates be creative, funny, deep, lighthearted, and wacky. We ended this time with a group dance session and then circled together, hugging as one group and where as one moment ago we were laughing and giggling, many started to tear and even cry a moment later. The honesty, the openness, the unity, and the love felt was mystical. The day’s organized events ended with another meditative session with deep relaxation and lunch. I washed laundry in the bathtub, hung out with people by the pool, and swam some laps. I have a massage in a bit (included as part of the Yoga Teacher Training program!) to round out this day quite nicely.

Maybe in another post I’ll explain the yamas and niyamas. If you catch my video and/or post from yesterday, you’ll get the general gist though.

Happy day to you and until next time, Namaste!