Swamping: getting real with repressed emotions

Do the holidays bring up s*it for you? Do you get frustrated or angry or depressed or emotional during this time of year? Does Christmas not really feel like all the Facebook posts of smiling faces and exuberant joy? Good. That’s a start to your new beginning: honesty. (and if none of this is true for you, good for you, too!)

We feel emotions. We have emotions. We experience emotions. It doesn’t mean we are any less than, or that we shouldn’t be feeling such emotions. Nope. It simply means we are feeling. We are alive! What we do with these emotions is the important part. Acknowledging and awareness is the first step. If one doesn’t acknowledge s/he has feelings (so called good or so called bad feelings), then one cannot do anything with them. And if you or I are experiencing emotions we no longer want to feel, then there are tools to release them. One such tool I use is called swamping.

Swamping is a way to release the stored energy of an emotion and/or experience. In the past, I have used my yoga mat or my foam roller and beat it against my doorway and thrown it on the floor, sometimes yelling, sometimes crying, sometimes grunting, just being real with what I’m feeling and without judgement, voicing my frustration, anger, hate, disdain, or whatever else arises. With no one around, I let myself be weird. I let myself go (safely of course, but even then, I find the edge, and let go), I let myself be loud, I let myself be all the things that “I’m not supposed” to be, and it is one freeing experience!

Last night, Christmas night, I was so frustrated with having to reconcile my finances (and hear me, it has NOTHING to do with my finances!!! it has everything to do with repressed emotions towards math homework growing up!) I was so frustrated that I was hyperventilating and shaking. I was annoyed at a friend of mine for not responding to me at exactly the time I wanted her to, I was annoyed that I couldn’t be outside and hiking or adventuring or exploring, I was annoyed that I was annoyed, and then I knew, it was time to swamp. I began with writing about my anger, and reading each word, with emotion, out loud, and then scribbling into my journal until the pages tore, then I chucked my pen at the journal, the floor, the dresser, over and over again until it broke and I started envisioning plastic shards flying into my eye, so I stopped and switched to a slipper, but I was throwing it so hard against the floor, that I switched to an already falling apart slipper and let every. Emotion. Rise. Up. And I threw and I growled and I said every thing that felt good: LETTING IT GO! Foam pieces flew across the floor and I threw it again with my left arm, then both, then my right, until, I knew I was done.

My voice horse, my body trembling, I laid back on my bed, and, I just was. I let myself be. I watched thoughts arise. I felt the quiet calm return. I regrouped as a new me. I found peace, on Christmas night.

A meditation practice is a solid foundation to have before attempting to do this alone. Not everyone is ready to face such deeply held emotions, and especially alone. You can begin your meditation practice here. Also, having a good girl friend (or guy if you’re a guy) to talk with after is extremely helpful, someone you can trust, or who you can just be real with as you own your truth, someone who you understand isn’t your savior but a guide to assist your healing. Therapists are also helpful, as are specific events designed to hold a sacred space for you to process: I am offering one in June of 2017. Learn more about it and join me: here. Yoga Nidra’s can also help you access deeply held subconscious patterns and in a more gentle way. Practice and learn more about yoga nidra here.

God wouldn’t have given us emotions if we weren’t supposed to feel them. Holding on to them (subconsciously or consciously) is the problem. You, I, we are not defined by our emotions, we just have them. Let them flow, let them go, and let’s enjoy this wild ride we call life!

xoxo


Photo by the incredible Tara Huff, on another adventure of emotional heights. Worth every moment, as I step into more and more and greater and greater freedom. Muah!

MMS and My Cancer & Tumor Recovery Now, The Detox Life

I have a tumor, larger than a baseball, in my liver, according to an MRI I got in September 2015.

My oncological surgeon wanted me to have surgery to remove this. I’ve had this tumor since 2002 and although it’s benign, it’s slowly and steadily grown. In my appointment with him, in March, I reminded him that I also had 2 other tumors, now completely and entirely gone. I asked him, “If the other tumors shrunk and disappeared, why wouldn’t this one?” He smiled, agreed, and told me, “Ok, we will rescan you in 6 months, if there’s growth: surgery. If the tumor shrinks, I’ll agree with you: no surgery.”

The scan in September 2015 showed that it was exactly the same as it was in January. The tumor didn’t shrink or grow. We are following up again in 1 year.

I have done too many detoxes to count. Each has played an important role in my health and recovery but I entirely attribute one detox in particular to the shrinking and removal of those two other tumors, read more about that here. But, this baseball sized tumor needs to go and the detoxes, prayers, and changed behaviors I’ve implemented haven’t yet stopped it.

A friend suggested I try MMS. I hadn’t heard of it before (and I’ve heard of and tried a LOT of things!!) and unlike my usual self, I didn’t research or critique it, I just went ahead and started the MMS detox. I’ve been on it since October 12, 2015.

It’s been a rough road, full of sluggishness, weakness, diarrhea, nausea, headaches, fatigue, smelly skin, rashes, aches, and more, but my friend has assured me that this is just an indication the detox is working and from my other detox experiences, I know it all too well. I don’t like it, but I don’t want another surgery, so I am highly motivated. Vision gives pain a purpose.

My MMS protocol:

I started with 1 drop of the MMS and if there are detox symptoms, once they subside, I increase the drop by 1, each day. I sip on this concoction (it tastes terrible and smells like chlorine, but MMS is chlorine dioxide, a completely different substance) throughout the day, every hour, for 8 hours, to keep it active in my body. I’m working up to 30 drops per day and once there, I will take that for 3 weeks.

I just came across this video and am in awe of power of this stuff, MMS, which stands for Miracle Mineral Solution. The video describes it in more detail and tells the history, the people and doctors who are working with it, and the success stories of those who suffered from diabetes, malaria, hepatitis C, cancer, the common cold, autism, alzheimer’s, and more.

I’ll get my next scan in September 2016. I am looking forward to the results. In the meantime, I’ll keep living and sharing my experiences, my pain, and catching the beauty of all that this life has to offer. May my pain be your gain. We only live once, let’s seize the day.

Namaste! xoxo