How I Came to the Goddess

It’s been about 4 years of me actively seeking the feminine perspective in the Divine. Honestly, as has been my track record, I started looking in this direction because of excruciating physical pain. A little backstory: I broke 3/4 of my lower left leg while working as a ski patroller and had two surgeries: one titanium rod placed in my tibia and then another surgery to remove the screws that held it in place while it healed around the rod. This was in 2006 and 2007. The excruciating pain didn’t develop until about 8 years later. To combat the pain, I tried SO many therapies, traditional and non-traditional, but kept sensing that there was a deeper, more spiritual reason for the pain. I was part of a church at the time and tried all the prayers and “laying on of hands” and “soaking” practices and times that I could, but the pain got worse. It literally felt like my body was tightening and constricting, I would even use the word rebelling, against all that I was doing. I knew there had to be another way and the church wasn’t providing an answer or clue.

During this time, I began to actively teach Yin Yoga and found the slower, more meditative, contemplative, and inward focused style to be so healing for me; the pain in my body began to lessen and I could feel my body begin to loosen up. The word yin is Chinese and literally means: the passive female principle of the universe, characterized as female and sustaining and associated with earth, dark, and cold. The dark part of yin intrigued me and scared me. I had recently completed 3 years at a Christian Ministry School and darkness was always equated with evil, but I began to wonder if the darkness was where I actually needed to go…

I began to research and test this darkness and what I found was eye-opening. As with the Chinese, all other cultures equate darkness as feminine, the womb, night time, inward gazing, contemplation/meditation, the other half of the Divine. I had not heard any of this in my decade or so of Christian teaching! So, I cautiously began to explore this darkness, pushing boundaries, limits, and edges and continued to find healing for my leg as I confronted fears and began to find out for myself the difference between darkness that heals and darkness that is evil. (There is definitely a difference! I was thankful for my Christian training to build so solidly a foundation on the Divine to be able to test this limit and know that s/he had me, held me, and fully supported my childlike wonder and exploration and was Her/Himself the one providing the healing.)

This inward, dark, earthly journey lead me to many places: New York to study with Regena Thomashauer who operates the School of Womanly Arts, it lead me to co-lead a Goddess retreat in Greece to study more about her ways, and in late 2017, took me to India to study a modern culture that worships the feminine through tantra, temple worship, chanting, and yoga. All these things continued to lead me back to Her, to where She truly lives: inside.

What I’ve found is that so many modern religions shun things of the earth and elevate the “higher” perspective of the Divine. This “higher” perspective of the Divine is most often of the Divine masculine perspective and I think in large part because He is orderly, controlled, predictable, straightforward, and logical: it’s the mind and the brain. (For more about the differences between the Divine masculine and feminine check out my most popular blog: Are You a Sissy?)

I feel like I’ve gotten a 4-year degree on the Goddess: I’ve travelled, watched 100s of documentaries and movies, listened to podcasts and Youtube videos, read dozens and dozens of books and articles, taken hours of trainings and seminars and workshops focused on the goddess, had 1000s of hours conversations, and none of it fully satisfied, which is just Her style: she is constantly changing, drawing us closer, enticing us into her bosom, and awakening the scary places with not only compassion, love, kindness, and fun, but with a seductive like quality that I find irresistible. And this my friends, is the feminine, and, why I continue to be drawn to her. The pain in my leg is much less now, it still limits me in things, but I’m using it like a divining rod to lead me to the omnipotent Divine and all her/his magical and mysterious ways.

If you want to join my Goddess journey, I’m leading a weekly class called Goddess Fusion Flow and I’m planning another Goddess Retreat and workshops: all the details for those will be here when they are decided.

Jai Ma and namaste!

xxoo

Why buy recycled, eco, sustainable products?

I have always been passionate about the environment. At 12 years-old, I began my subscription to E-Magazine, I started writing my representatives, senators, and state and local authorities about laws that were on the table concerning the environment, I strongly urged, perhaps argued with(LOL?!!?), my parents as to why we should buy organic food, clothing, cleaning supplies, and beauty products, and I even I bought my friends’ recycling containers for Christmas one year in high school. Some call me a hippie and a tree-hugger, abut regardless of ridicule, name calling, shaming, and derogatory comments, I will continue to not only stand for a purpose that is beyond me, and for one that effects us all, I will do something about it. Maybe after these few reason’s why, you’ll join me:

3 reasons why charing about the environment isn’t a fad:

  1. The earth is our home and, it’s all we’ve got. Just like a brick, wood, or stucco home we live, eat, sleep, and play in, if we don’t take care for our home, then, we don’t take care of our home! I have seen countless studies and quotes about keeping one’s home clean and orderly, and even how feng shui or the gift of hospitality/decorating influences the people inside that home; the earth is simply an extension of that. We are a product of our environment. That’s true not only in a small, micro-causim sense, but also in a larger scale. Think about it: people from India have a particular flavor, way of doing things, language even, so do American’s, so do the French. We can talk micro in the sense of how someone who lives in an alcoholic family will have certain traits and tendencies, as will someone who lives in the Middle East. We are affected by those and that which is around us. If we pollute, if we cut down all the trees, or if we continue to buy from companies that do these things without a thought to the bigger picture, we not only will be, but are affected by it. It’s an obvious correlation. We cannot separate ourselves from the earth. We ARE the earth. Which leads me to the #2.
  2. We are made of the same substances as the earth, so what we do to her, we do to ourselves. We need clean water to drink. We need fresh air to breathe. We need sunlight to thrive (hello Vitamin D!). We need nutritious foods to eat. We need shelter and warmth and ways to cool ourselves down. And, we need play. Forest Bathing has become all the rage in Japan with numerous scientific studies confirming it’s necessity to our health and well-being as a way to de-stress. If we do not keep our waters clean, our foods (both plants and animals) free of toxins, then we will not be clean/healthy either. We are what we eat, not only in tangible junk food over healthily foods, but also in the chemical body system. If a cow is stressed out, it will have high levels of cortisol, then when we eat the steak or hamburger of that cow, we will be eating all those high levels of hormones and be susceptible to adrenal fatigue, weight gain, osteoporosis, anxiety, weakness, depression, irritability, etc.
  3. Some say that recycling and buying recycled products is still part of the problem because it takes a lot of energy to recycle and particularly with synthetic clothing, we are still creating something that is toxic. Well, here’s what I say: we have to start somewhere. There’s a saying “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Or what about this one: “We have to crawl before we can walk.” Exactly my point. For me, as a professional athlete and one who works with clients of varying ability levels and in various conditions (indoors, outside, wind, rain, sun, heat, cold, etc.) I need clothing that performs. I need to be able to focus on the person and task at hand, and not be pulling up my yoga pants, readjusting my bathing suit, or suffocating from the heat of the Redding sun in clothing that doesn’t hold up to my activity, needs for safety and well-being, and leave me sweating and over-heated. So, I will continually be on the look out for new ways and products that recycle, reduce waste, look long-term, AND live up to my demanding work and life needs.

One such company I am proud to be a part of is Wolven Threads. Not only are they using recycled materials for their high quality clothing that stands up to my rigorous, athletic demands, they are also using carbon-neutral wood-pulp fibers that have been sustainably harvested, and natural dyes. Plus, an added value is that their designs are sacred geometric patterns and prints designed by local L.A. artists.

As a gift to you, I am happy to be able to offer 20% off men’s and women’s yoga, day wear, swimsuits, and clothing with the code: AudreyDlong20 at WolvenThreads.com

If you know of other companies that are making important earth/environmental/home impacts, share below! I would love to know about them!!!

xoxo

My Not So Sublime Shakti Pilgrimage in India

This trip took me to places I was afraid to go: inside myself, with others, and deep into the Divine Feminine.

Amongst filth I didn’t know possible, hotels crawling with bed bugs, rats, black mold, and bats, we seemed to travel back in time to a culture of depth and rich history, visiting Hindu Goddess temples, some of which still practice animal-sacrifice, to study the remnants of matriarchal society, Goddess worship, and all Her beautiful aspects.

I fell to pieces here in India. The Goddess (a female representation/perspective/aspect of God) has picked up the pieces, filling in places with holes; I had no safe arms to crawl into, nothing familiar to steady myself with, I had to rely on Her, in me, and feel, cry, laugh, gasp, stand in shock, and experience all that is within and around.

This struggle, this rupture, has given me the opportunity to make Her mine, to see Her strength within me, to know Her as my Goddess, to own the female image of God and all her aspects, flavors, and nuances.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I needed to be on this Sublime Shakti Pilgrimage, this trip was an answer to a deep aching prayer I’ve been praying, perhaps since the moment of my conception. This trip has brought together so many of the fragmented truths I’ve known and learned and felt and questioned.

There’s a primal wisdom inside us all and She wants to remake us into who we are meant to be, owning our dark places, standing in our truth, feeling our vulnerability, so we can know our radiance, no matter how hospitable or inhospitable our environment, how supportive or unsupportive our leaders, how familiar or unfamiliar each situation is.

To my fellow travelers who’ve been to India: I salute you. To my companions who experienced this 3-week pilgrimage with me: I love you. To those of you who prayed, reached out, and stood with me from afar, thank you.

What a gift it, you, and She is. Now, I get to walk this out in my home land…. ok. Jai ma.

xoxo

Letting go of shame: Observational Meditation


Shame: it’s ugly head pops up and creeps in, most awkwardly and uncomfortably. With new experiences, relationships, and the deepening of such, I see anew where shame still lives. Seemingly never fully out of its grasp (we are always a work in progress), I use awareness and meditation to face it and then let it go without fanfare (because it doesn’t need or deserve much of my energy or focus). 

The best tool I have found to let go of shame, and any other unwanted emotion or feeling, is through the practice of Observational Meditation. Here’s how I do it:

1. I find a comfortable position, lying down or seated, somewhere quiet and where I won’t be bothered. I decide on a time: 2 minutes, 10 minutes, or longer as desired, and I set my meditation timer. (I use the free app I-Qi timer.)

2. I begin to still myself. Breathe. I settle down and settle in. Taking my time, I begin to label thoughts as they arise. (This helps us become less invested in them and breaks the chains of identity to them. Labeling also separates beliefs from reality.) Taking time to label these thoughts, perhaps even a few times, I get to their root feeling, emotion, belief, or other such deep connection. I often exhale when I get to the core thought, then I know I’ve got it. (If you have a hard time deciding which is the core thought, that’s fine, just pick a label and go with it. The body/mind/spirit will speak to you again. Remember, it’s all just practice.)

3. After labeling the thoughts, I become aware of where I feel this thought in the body. This may come easily, or sometimes I have to sit with the thought/label for some time before I’m able to identify where it lives in my body. I stay with the thought long enough to actually feel it, remembering that the goal isn’t to change or get rid of anything but to observe and experience whatever arises. Sometimes this actually works the other way around: I feel and become very aware of a feeling/area within my body, and then I label it. 

4. That’s it! I just sit with the feeling/labeled thought for as long as I need for it to dissipate and lose its hold on me. Usually this is a matter of seconds before a new thought arises and I move on, but sometimes it’s a minute or so. This is such a simple practice, but one that is super powerful and one that does take effort. 

The fun news is that since practicing this technique in comfort and quiet, I can now do this anywhere and at any time, and really, this is the point: to embody this tool and use it when feelings of shame or anything else that no longer serves, arises. 

The harder we resist, the stronger unwanted feelings become. It’s the Self’s way to get our attention to make a change. Think of this practice like a dog that needs to go to the bathroom. He will continue to bark or whine or pester you until you let him out. Our body, mind, and spirit are the same: communicating to us through thoughts and feelings to get our attention to act. 

Shame sucks. Here’s to letting to go and moving on!

Let me know how it works for you. 

xoxo

5 Self Care Practices:

Have you noticed that in some season’s (either literally: the winter, or, a week, a few days, or even for just a moment) you feel this overwhelming need to stop, be quiet, to take a breath, call a good friend? Have you ever noticed those times that you just crave the simple? How do you respond to such a feelings, honestly? What if these senses or feelings were God/the Universe whispering….?

Taking a break is divinely orchestrated: built in daily as “night” and the human (and animal) requirement to sleep, created as “winter” and the land needing to go dormant for a season to replenish and gain back the nutrients it lost while it was growing and producing during the warmer seasons. Taking a break can be induced by a deep sigh, or the diagnosis of adrenal fatigue, or otherwise. These are some of the clues that Divine Spark inside uses to get our attention, saying: “take care, please, take care of you.”

The words “self care” may spark a shutter, or a blush, bringing up thoughts of “I don’t have time for that” or really, “I just don’t want to stop” or, you may be well versed in such practices, either way, good. Good! We as individuals can only serve others to the extent at which we ourselves are filled.

Self care, on the surface, may seem selfish and egotistical, but really, it’s the most giving thing you can do.

Self-care is the most giving thing you can do for you and for God. God who lives inside you and God who lives inside of others. (For women I’ve been recently calling this Divine Spark, or God inside us, “Goddess.” I’ve been doing this to poke the box of God being a male. If you’re curious you can read more about it here.)

So, if you are feeling the pull toward self care, if you’re hearing the call, and you choose to answer, here is my list:

5 ways to self-care:

  1. Do nothing. Do absolutely nothing. When was the last time you allowed yourself to get bored? Do you know that the creative spark inside us is best tapped when we are bored? Creativity happens when we aren’t busy, when we allow ourselves time. So, lay on your bed and stare at the ceiling, sit in a lawnchair and watch the clouds float by, plop down on the couch and kick your feet up and stare out the window. Do nothing! And see what comes of it: fear, self hatred, creativity, passion, anger, frustration, peace…. maybe those things you’ve been busy-ing yourself to avoid can easily fall away with just a little time…. with just a little awareness…. peace rises up…
  2. Get a massage, mani/pedi, facial, acupuncture, sit in the sauna, take a bath, work out, go to a yoga class, take a walk, attend a retreat. These are the obvious choices for self-care, but none-the-less, super helpful.
  3. Begin that hobby you’ve been wanting and thinking about for a long time now. Let that creativity flow in art form.
  4. Womb Care: my new favorite way to self care. This is self massage. This is getting to know your body. This is facing shame, anger, self hatred, etc. This is love. This is facing love and allowing love to inhabit this beautiful physical body. I’ve been using herbal infused olive oil and gently, intuitively, rubbing my belly and female parts, slowly and with no agenda. Because of some massive trauma I’ve experienced in these areas, this goes deep. For me, this hasn’t been sexual, this has been about releasing shame and fear and softening under my own touch (which then allows me to soften underneath someone else’s). You can learn more, find the oils I use, and get more in-depth details from Amber Magnolia Hill and her Sacred Womb Care MP3. It’s been a lifeblood for me recently and my self-care/pleasure go to. (Men, I have a suspicion this could be just as good for you, but maybe call it Heroic Care…) Remember no agenda, allow feelings to arise, watch, assimilate, hold, take care, meditate, be. Love.
  5. Write a letter, read a book, swamp, listen to a podcast, watch a movie, take a nap, have a date night, have sex, meditate, take a girls/guys night, spend quality time with your kids, play hooky! Enjoy this life, this precious life who’s moments are passing by…

You make time for what’s important to you. What message are you sending if you don’t take time for you?

Know that you are enough. What you are doing is enough. Feel free to say it with me now: I am enough. I am doing enough. I am.

Enjoy you.

xoxo

Why all the talk about Goddesses?

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I’ve often categorized women as on my team or not. Those on my team I have taken with me to explore and adventure and love, but, admittedly, it has been a long practice of learning to celebrate with them for their successes and gifts. For a long time, I felt jealous or sad, even angry if they got something or had something I wanted. Now, I can honestly say that has changed and I am truly happy, proud, and grateful when my girl friend’s dreams and desires come to life. I now stand and celebrate with them, whole heartedly. But, for those not on my team, I am still working on being aware of the judgement and comparison and then, choosing how I respond, deciding if love, empathy, compassion, and celebration, is truly what I want to extend. Now, once I notice I’m judging or comparing, I am choosing to stand with them, even from afar.

For such a long time, life has been a competition and I tried to win at the XYZ game (smarts, physical ability, guys, yoga, etc.). But wow, it’s exhausting! I know I am not alone. We women learn these things from books, magazines, TV (hello: advertising is all about making us women feel less than; we then cure this feeling by buying the sh*t being touted as the miracle answer to us being fat, having cellulite, wrinkles, being tired, sick, etc.), the movies we watch (when was the last time you noticed more than one woman in a movie or a woman who didn’t talk to another woman only about guys, in a movie that wasn’t titled a “chick flick”). We women are programmed to compete and feel less than.

Now, I’m finding more and more I’m celebrating women, their dreams, their truths, their desires and like a drug addiction, it’s so much more fun. I’ve begun to call this the “Goddess Rising” phenomenon. It’s a throw back to the worship of the female entity, to a time when women were revered and celebrated, instead of crushed, held down, and told to be subservient. The word goddess evokes a stirring that something isn’t right, it pokes, it shakes, it rattles, and that is exactly the intention. The word goddess reminds us women that we too have the Divine in us.

All this started with awareness, with meditation, with yoga. From there, it moved into celebrating my own achievements and gifts and then, with this new found confidence, I began to share and talk about it/them. This practice has continued and deepened, moving into desire and longing, getting in touch with my sacred female qualities (which men have also: collaboration, joy, pleasure, sensuality, vulnerability, surrender, patience, intuition, creativity, community, etc.). All this is counter-cultural. This is risky. This is new. This isn’t easy, but it’s what the world has been missing for a few thousand years as we have swung to the worshipping of masculine traits (profit, bigger, better, faster, harder, being practical, an individual, logical, non-expressive, competitive, war).

Yoga and meditation, have been the vehicles, the tools through which this has blossomed. And now, I’m all in. It is now be my life’s mission to follow my deepest yearnings and desires, no matter how scary or hard or weird, and be here to champion the same in others.

So, here’s to desires realized and the tree of life growing from their actualization. (Proverbs 13:12)

“The greatest threat to a woman’s happiness and success is her own negative judgment of herself, and other women.

Every flower/woman has her very own unique way of blooming.

I have mine.

You have yours.

She has hers.

The point is to damn the torpedoes and bloom.

Full speed ahead, and bloom.

Bloom in this lifetime.

Bloom now.

Really. Right now.

Don’t let the cultural prejudices against blooming stop you from stepping up to your own plate.

Don’t wait, just in case we don’t get another round.

Bloom, even if the sun generated from another woman’s light hurts your eyes.”

Regena Thomashauer

This pic is from one of my many adventures with the goddesses Heather Phillips and Tara Huff. 💞 So thankful for these and the other women in my life! And, now, I’m truly thankful for those women not in my life, I’m celebrating you too.

xoxo

Ecstatic dance: pleasure in movement

Ecstatic dance:

pleasure

delight

moving this living body, in all those ways where shame has lingered

moving out anger

expressing joy

feeling frustration

feeling hunger

feeling empowerment

all within, the physical body.

This dance is about what feels good, what feels good within, within the body. This is a primal, animalistic movement at it’s simplest. This is movement without judgement, where compassion, love, joy, pain, fear, anything and everything goes and where it surfaces, to be let out, to be seen, to be heard, to be felt. Through ecstatic dance, we own it, face it, become it, noticing when we’re pushing, forcing, seeing the pain that we’ve experienced or are causing. We can choose another way, another movement, another action. This dance: an opportunity to celebrate mistakes, learn from them, change direction, try again, with no judgement but our own. We can move our hips to the left, circling, dropping down, twerking, or not, to do nothing….. Maybe it’s a stomp of the feet, over and over and over and over again!!! Maybe it’s a slap of the thigh or the wall, or a caress of the cheek, a slow touch along the waist….. The ecstatic dance floor forces nothing. Ecstatic dance is all choice. It’s ecstasy. It’s pain. It’s real. It’s raw. It’s sexy. It’s ugly. It’s a lot of movement and no movement. It’s slow. It’s fast. Ecstatic dance is easy, it’s hard. It’s an animalistic groan or a loud shout. It’s a burst of energy and a slow grind. This dance could be said it’s not even a dance at all, it’s somatic: our subconscious/consciousness inhabiting this living body, and finally we’ve found a place, a safe place, to show it, reveal it, let it out, to let it be known.

We become with ecstatic dance. We un-become. This is a moving meditation where you can watch yourself becoming a woman or a man who enjoys this body, movement, play, expressing who you are through your own, unique, movement.

I do this dance at home, by myself, and with a group where the energy of others encourages me that I can go further, face fears, and that I’m normal, I’m just like everyone else. In a group I feel the connection of humankind, we are one, we all have these same struggles and joys, and so, with the group we go further than we could alone.

Join me anytime (click here for my group offerings) and let me know how it goes.

Namaste my loves.

xoxo

What is Yoga Nidra?

Yoga Nidra: meaning, yogic sleep, balances the nervous system and reduces stress through a simple, guided relaxation while you rest in a nest of props (or perhaps in your bed at home!). Yoga Nidra’s can be of various lengths, with the typical offering at 30-minutes long. Most people fall in and out of sleep, but sometimes you will be awake and alert, or you fall fast asleep right away! Whatever happens is perfect and the beauty of this quiet and gentle practice: it’s about resting and restoring.

I myself do these regularly; sometimes when I need a little pick me up, or when I’m processing through some stuff and just can’t quite get to the root of the issue, or when I didn’t get enough sleep the night before and I have committments that I need to be fully present for because a 30-minute yoga nidra is equal to 2-hours of sleep!

3 ways to get all the benefits of Yoga Nidra with me:

1. purchase 1 or 2 or all 4 of the Yoga Nidra’s I wrote and recorded via iTunes or Amazon: here. Plus there’s an in-depth, 20-minute explanation of the when, where, why, and how of yoga nidra if you purchase the entire album. Enjoy the benefits of this healing tool at anytime, anywhere, as your schedule allows with these MP3s.

2. Attend my Yoga Nidra & Restore weekly group class and get the added benefit of Restorative Yoga: simple yoga postures held for long periods of time with the gentle assist of a lot of props. This class is a 1.25-hour practice that balances our fast paced lifestyles and has an enormous capacity to heal physical and mental symptoms. I hold these in Redding, but I also offer these when I travel, so be on the look out and join me when you can: here.

3. Attend my annual spring Yin/Yang Hot Springs Retreat. Here we find solace, healing, rest, and fun in my most favorite place in all the world: Surprise Valley Hot Springs Resort. Everyone gets their own private hot-tub filled with hot spring water from this valley floor, and we recharge and rebuild with vinyasa yoga, yin yoga, ecstatic dance, yoga nidra, restorative yoga, meditation, pranayama (breathing exercises), with time for reflection, massage, adventure, fishing, hiking, hanging out with new and old friends, and soaking to your heart’s content absorbing all the healing benefits of the mineral enriched waters. This is a gift of divine pleasure that has far reaching effects not only for you, but for those you love and want to serve well: you can only give away what you yourself possess. This is recharge, this is strength, this is delight in a weekend away. Find the full details when they become available here .

Have you done Yoga Nidra before? Has it been beneficial for you? Let me know, in person, or below!

Namaste my friend.

 

Swamping: getting real with repressed emotions

Do the holidays bring up s*it for you? Do you get frustrated or angry or depressed or emotional during this time of year? Does Christmas not really feel like all the Facebook posts of smiling faces and exuberant joy? Good. That’s a start to your new beginning: honesty. (and if none of this is true for you, good for you, too!)

We feel emotions. We have emotions. We experience emotions. It doesn’t mean we are any less than, or that we shouldn’t be feeling such emotions. Nope. It simply means we are feeling. We are alive! What we do with these emotions is the important part. Acknowledging and awareness is the first step. If one doesn’t acknowledge s/he has feelings (so called good or so called bad feelings), then one cannot do anything with them. And if you or I are experiencing emotions we no longer want to feel, then there are tools to release them. One such tool I use is called swamping.

Swamping is a way to release the stored energy of an emotion and/or experience. In the past, I have used my yoga mat or my foam roller and beat it against my doorway and thrown it on the floor, sometimes yelling, sometimes crying, sometimes grunting, just being real with what I’m feeling and without judgement, voicing my frustration, anger, hate, disdain, or whatever else arises. With no one around, I let myself be weird. I let myself go (safely of course, but even then, I find the edge, and let go), I let myself be loud, I let myself be all the things that “I’m not supposed” to be, and it is one freeing experience!

Last night, Christmas night, I was so frustrated with having to reconcile my finances (and hear me, it has NOTHING to do with my finances!!! it has everything to do with repressed emotions towards math homework growing up!) I was so frustrated that I was hyperventilating and shaking. I was annoyed at a friend of mine for not responding to me at exactly the time I wanted her to, I was annoyed that I couldn’t be outside and hiking or adventuring or exploring, I was annoyed that I was annoyed, and then I knew, it was time to swamp. I began with writing about my anger, and reading each word, with emotion, out loud, and then scribbling into my journal until the pages tore, then I chucked my pen at the journal, the floor, the dresser, over and over again until it broke and I started envisioning plastic shards flying into my eye, so I stopped and switched to a slipper, but I was throwing it so hard against the floor, that I switched to an already falling apart slipper and let every. Emotion. Rise. Up. And I threw and I growled and I said every thing that felt good: LETTING IT GO! Foam pieces flew across the floor and I threw it again with my left arm, then both, then my right, until, I knew I was done.

My voice horse, my body trembling, I laid back on my bed, and, I just was. I let myself be. I watched thoughts arise. I felt the quiet calm return. I regrouped as a new me. I found peace, on Christmas night.

A meditation practice is a solid foundation to have before attempting to do this alone. Not everyone is ready to face such deeply held emotions, and especially alone. You can begin your meditation practice here. Also, having a good girl friend (or guy if you’re a guy) to talk with after is extremely helpful, someone you can trust, or who you can just be real with as you own your truth, someone who you understand isn’t your savior but a guide to assist your healing. Therapists are also helpful, as are specific events designed to hold a sacred space for you to process: I am offering one in June of 2017. Learn more about it and join me: here. Yoga Nidra’s can also help you access deeply held subconscious patterns and in a more gentle way. Practice and learn more about yoga nidra here.

God wouldn’t have given us emotions if we weren’t supposed to feel them. Holding on to them (subconsciously or consciously) is the problem. You, I, we are not defined by our emotions, we just have them. Let them flow, let them go, and let’s enjoy this wild ride we call life!

xoxo


Photo by the incredible Tara Huff, on another adventure of emotional heights. Worth every moment, as I step into more and more and greater and greater freedom. Muah!

Sacred Pleasure: holy exploration

Babies flirt and we find it adorable and good. Flirting = being turned on in the presence of others. And as it is for babies, it is natural, pure, and holy. Sexuality is power and as we own our own, we can embrace our God-given divinity as a sensual creature, light up the world, and live in abundance and success.

You can only give (to your children, husband/boyfriend, work, etc.), what you yourself possess. Come rejuvenate and heal your whole self, with care, with a community of like-minded women in this sacred act of pleasure. Full details and registration can be found at https://audreydelongyoga.com/special-events-2/

This pic is from my El Camino trip in September, taken during a time I felt bold enough to show myself as a woman. I even still feel fear as I post this pic, but that’s the point: I choose to not let fear hold me back and my work then inspires you to do the same. You can feel this difference. I’m not trying to manipulate you or make you feel small, I’m empowering you. This. This will be us together: empowerment to own your womanly-ness and then showcase it with holy reverence for all to admire and get turned on by.

It’s been a journey for me to embrace my womanly beauty and feel comfortable in it enough to show it off, but I’ve been embracing the discomfort and found incredible healing: my own and yours. Come with me as we go deep, deep into the divine art of woman.