Do you notice anything abnormal here?? š
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This pic actually brings me hope right now. I took this in August 2018 (I was so tan!!) when I was visiting family and friends in Ohio. Summer is my favorite season and it was a good vacation and break from the Carr Fire and thick smoke that was happening in Redding at the time. It feels like a good reminder that fun and carefree times are coming. .
Itās been a dark season for me this last year-ish. Not without many, many good things(!!!), but a deeply challenging one where I have allowed myself to face and feel and heal from my past, in particular the stage 3 ovarian cancer I battled in 2001-2003. The time has been right. Itās what Iāve needed to do, and itās taken a lot of courage and strength and love and support. .
I found a broken birdās egg on my carās back windshield this morning. The fetus of the baby bird was so small and apparent. It was startling and one of those things that felt significant. I looked up the meaning and this is what I found:
āTo see cracked or broken eggs represent feelings of vulnerability or a fragile state in your life. Consider the phrase, walking on eggshells. Alternatively, you may be breaking out of your shell and being comfortable with who you are.ā
Yup, sounds about right, all of it...
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#shouldigetanosering #summerlovin #vacationmode #throwback #loveland #ohio #doingthethings #thankfulforthesupport #thelove #facingpain #goingthere #itsnoteasy #necessary #healing #ptsd #traumarecovery #ovariancancer #cancersurvivor #imready #readytoletgo #movingon #newskin #breakingfree #animalguides #spiritguides #helpfrombeyond #encouraged
āThe attainment of clarity is a gradual process.ā Yoga Sutra 2.27 (Tasya Saptadha Pranta-Bhumih Prajna)
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In the West we have adopted the masculine perspective of quick results and instant success and gratification to be the only way, but that is just not true and one of the many reasons I am so drawn to yoga. Yoga teaches both sides of the coin: yin & yang, Shiva & Shakti, sun & moon, are harmonies that work in tandem with each other to create our best selves and life. While instant revelations and spontaneous healings (masculine, yang, Shiva, sun) are possible and important, there is just as much value and truth in the gradual, slow unfolding (feminine, yin, Shakti, moon). .
I have been talking a lot about me having PTSD as of late and want to say that I donāt experience symptoms most of the time. Itās so slight that one could say I donāt really have symptoms at all, but there will be days, and weeks, even months recently, that have been intense. The mold toxicity Iāve been dealing with these past 9-12 months has triggered deep and dormant places that have needed healing and now is the time for them to be seen, felt, and released. Iām strong enough now to process these bits. It is true that I may never have to deal with PTSD symptoms ever again, and it is just as equally true that it may be a gradual process. I went years, maybe even a decade with no PTSD symptoms, that may happen again, but it may not, and once again yoga has taught me that neither is greater than the other. It is what it is and most likely I will continue to share about it so that my pain is your gain and we can learn and grow and heal, together. .
Thanks for being part of the journey. Itās a wild ride. š¤š¼ .
Pic from my time in India. This is in Varanasi on 11/25/17. .
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#varanasi #yogasutra #yogatherapy #moldtoxicity #lifesajourney #yinandyang #shivaandshakti #sunandmoon #thedanceoflife #beautifulmess #ptsd #traumarecovery #cancerrecovery #fuckthepatriarchy #š
Imprisoned in my own body. Thatās what just came to my mind after meditating & processing through some current pains & past traumas. I havenāt ever thought of that before, but thatās how Iāve felt at times: imprisoned. .
Iāve tried to control & beat (metaphorically) my body into submission. Iāve tried to ignore & push through. Iāve tried to carry on & look at the bright side. Well, none of that has worked: the trauma of stage 3 ovarian cancer & the 3 death sentences Ive received with all the subsequent meds & surgeries & physical therapy & complications wonāt go away. I have to deal with them, & apparently, now is the time: Tuesday morning at 2:30+ am. .
PTSD & trauma recovery work isnāt easy, not at all, nor was the chemo or the vomiting or the living in a wheelchair & eating through an IV for 9 months. Ive done this work before, but this time, Iām no longer stuffing down emotions & holding on to ideals of how things are āsupposed to be.ā This time, Iām processing thoughts & emotions about current goings on, & Iām letting past emotions & thoughts come up so that I can break the cycle & finally move on. Itās time. .
PTSD is the body reliving a traumatic experience as if it were happening right then. The brain is stuck in the pattern/neurological groove of the trauma & the body relives it over and over.
Iāve come SO far from the acute trauma of cancer (2001-2003). What many, including myself, need to realize & remember is that cancer doesnāt end when the doctor says youāre cancer-free (Iāve personally never heard those words, even though I havenāt had active cancer cells since 2002). Cancer, & any life-threatening trauma, can get stuck in the brain, manifesting in the body & lived over & over & over again. This next step may actually be the hardest part: PTSD recovery isnāt accepting what happened, itās sensing, naming, & identifying what is going on inside during a panic attack, insomnia episode, irrational outburst, freeze or startle in response to a normal and everyday event. Of course, meditation & yoga are some tools to help process PTSD & restore brain health/neuro-plasticity. Feel free to join me: link in the bio as to how.
Getting ready for my yogic nap, aka Yoga Nidra. š¤¤ .
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I have 4, full, 30-35 minute Yoga Nidraās, with a 20 minute introduction to the practice available online at @amazon and @itunes if you ever want to try the experience yourself. Itās a dreamy way to get the equivalent of 2 hours of sleep, and a great reset for your brain. Search for Audrey DeLong Yoga Nidra Volume 1, or join me in person for a private session(s), or on Thursday nights at 7pm at @balance.yogacenter .
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See you when I wake. šš½ .
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#yoganidra #yogafortherapy #reddingyoga #thisisredding #downtownredding #traumarecovery #healingvibrations #stillness #ahhhhhhhhhh #naptime #reddingcalifornia
The last few weeks have been super busy with subbing classes, my full private schedule, normal groups classes, and prepping for the upcoming @onwateryoga Paddle to Heal class on 5/19. I chose to take on the extra classes, and was happy to help, then came a time where I felt overwhelmed and exhausted and I found myself asking again: what do I want? The answer again came clearly as āless.ā .
I like to be present and fully engaged with each client, class, and project. I want to be able to give without resentment and from a place of fullness, not depletion. I want to be a living example of how we can live our best lives, now, regardless of the pressures and Jonesās and culture. So, my desires are manifesting again and the dust is settling... and Iām happy. .
There are seasons, and reminders, and choices. Iām again choosing the slow lane and taking time to smell the roses... .
@jamiesolorio and I had a photo shoot out on Kutras Pond yesterday for the 2020 @unitedagainstcancer fundraiser calendar. We did something like this... stoked to see Jamieās pics!!
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#thisisredding #onwateryoga #unitedagainstcancer #glidesup #headwatersadventurecompany #kutraspond #norcalliving
