Painful Hope: Belief

I have been experiencing excruciating pain in my left leg for some time now but 2 weeks ago it got unbearable. I have had a little bit of an occasional limp these past several months but now, it’s constant. Pain sucks. Pain hurts. Pain is real. Yet, is it?!

This week was monumental for many reasons: I turned 38, I had some big personal revelations, I finally found out the root cause of the leg pain and am working on it, and more. I’m making huge progress on and in my health and life and over and over again I’m reminded that things take time and patience. I said to a yoga class of mine this week that “if we think we have ever arrived: we’ve got all the patience and all the hope and all the health we possibly ever could, we are already deceived.” There is always more. Always. Heaven isn’t fully realized on earth, yet. Trials and tribulations are still here. We are working out our salvation and yet, and yet, we have it all. Right now. Right here, we have all the fullness of Life available to us and it’s real.

Here is where our mind’s get to be constantly renewed: as we live each day and moment we are confronted with choice: will I succumb to the pain and give up? Will I believe people who tell me that “this is just what aging looks like?” Will I give up even one small dream for the sake of convenience and to avoid difficulty? I say no! Yes I cry. Yes I lay on my back with my leg propped up, fully aware of the pain to the point where it feels like I’m in a swirling ball of confusion. Yes I don’t always know how to respond with kindness when I get asked for the 12th time that day why I’m limping. But, and a big but, I keep moving forward. I keep looking to the God who says anything is possible. Anything is possible. Anything. The question is, do I believe? In the easy times it’s so simple to believe. It’s when the s*it hits the fan that our belief comes to the surface. Over and over again I have to say yes: “I believe.” I hope. I have to cut through the surface-hope that is just wishful thinking and get to the hope with a soul. Hope with a substance. Hope that pierces through whatever lie I may be believing so God and I can polish the diamond of hope and I believe again.

Hope

I believe, I truly believe that we can live a life free if pain. My beliefs are being put to the test. All. The. Time. I take a step forward, see how my beliefs are coming along, fix where they got faulty, hope again, and take another step forward. Sometimes it’s a run. Sometimes it’s a galloping skip. Sometimes it’s two steps forward and one step back. Sometimes it’s with a limp. But I truly believe that everyday, in every way, I am getting better and better! That is a good feeling. That is belief in action. That is hope.

The reality of these beliefs may not always be pretty, they may actually be downright ugly for a time. There may be pain. It will probably be hard. But belief is real. You and I are real. That’s the only way I want to live: for real. I pray we never give up, we never lose hope. We keep pressing forward to the prize of heaven on earth. I think there is no better prize. The beauty comes; it always does, and it’s so much sweeter when we know that we didn’t give up. This is reality.

What are your beliefs?

xoxo

2 thoughts on “Painful Hope: Belief

  1. I too have been in a lot of pain in my right leg for some time. So my heart aches for you, and for me. There is an end to it. There is an answer.

    Like

  2. Praying for pain relief! Let your hope blossom in HIS reassurances and promises. You can and will endure because you rock, Audrey!

    Like

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